They say cleanliness is next to godliness, but the bacteria living on your skincare need a baptism.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to cast out expired products, DIY demons, and moldy mascaras in the name of glow.”

It’s time to confess and repent, because all the prayer in the world will not resurrect the expired graveyard of dead skincare under your sink. Oh, and whatever makeup and skincare products that now live in the broken bathroom drawer that can't be opened unless you light sage and do a séance? They are speaking in tongues, can’t be read, and are possessed with mold and bacteria.

Let’s talk resurrection, because while Easter may be over, your expired 18-month-old SPF, the unholy face scrub not worthy enough to use on your feet, oh, and your collection of half-used lotions and 10 face cleansers with one pump left in them, need an exorcism before they become the next strain of bacteria resistant to preservatives.

🧴 DIY turmeric serum from lockdown? Speaking in tongues. 🧴 Makeup stored next to the toilet? Possessed. 🧴 That broken drawer that only opens with sage and a séance? Burn it down.

To be forgiven, you must repent by tossing expired products , sanitize your stash, and promise to read and reply to this post.

Skincare Sins Buried Beneath the Bathroom Cabinet:

• If it’s been open and unused for 6 months? Lay it to rest. May it rot in peace.
• Jars with no seal? That’s not skincare—it’s a moldy chalice of regret.
• DIY serums from lockdown? They’ve turned. Anoint them with alcohol and cast them out.
• Makeup that’s been farted on in the bathroom? That’s not blush, babe—that’s blasphemy. Burn it and say a prayer.
• Eyeshadow palettes coated in dust and judgment? Unclean. Do not resurrect.
• Mascara and eyeliner older than your last confession? Rebuke them. Biohazards in disguise.

Here’s Your Skincare Redemption Ritual:

• Wash every bottle in warm soapy water you're giving them baptism. 

• Then spray them down with alcohol like you're casting out demons.

• Lay paper towels in your drawer like an altar. Replace monthly.

• Spray your whole setup once or twice a week.

• Wash your hands before you wash your face.
• Spray alcohol on the faucet. Your dirty hands just touched. 

• Never double dip. Use Q-tips. Don’t touch droppers to your face.

YOUR REDEMPTION RITUAL: ✔ Vitamin C daily (fresh, used within 3–6 months) ✔ Retinol 2–3x/week ✔ Exfoliate weekly, build up to 2–3x ✔ SPF every. single. morning.

Your skin deserves salvation. 
And this blog? It’s your skincare gospel.

Now glow in peace gorgeous,

Cody Montarbo